June 15, 2006

• Where Sidewalk Meets Street

  It is a constant source of wonderment to me how people in NYC can be
  so ignorant when it comes to a rather simple concept: intersections.
  The city’s streets are home to a never-ending war between two opposing
  forces… vehicles and pedestrians. Both sides employ a variety of dirty
  tactics in order to gain any kind of temporary advantage.

  The Pedestrians

  What they lack in size and momentum, they make up for in tenacity.

  These warriors of the sidewalks often step several feet out from the
  curb in an effort to intimidate oncoming traffic. If a car is foolish
  enough to slow down in order to avoid hitting them, they seize upon
  this moment of weakness as justification to walk right in front of the
  vehicle, forcing it to stop completely. The most elite pedestrians
  don’t bother with these kinds of newbie tactics and just start walking
  across the road regardless of any vehicular deterrence.

  The brave men and women on the front lines pave the way to victory
  for their comrades. Seeing that cars must slow down anyway so as to not
  obliterate these zealots, the rest of the troops take the opportunity
  to cross as well. A steady stream of foot traffic continues the barrage
  until the walk signal is illuminated, at which point the more timid troops
  who remained on the curb during this ordeal scurry across.

  Additional tactics:

  • Punching/kicking the hoods of cars that stop too close
  • Holding up one’s hand as though it were some sort of magical car-stopping device
  • Being oblivious to the outside world

  The Vehicles

  These road warriors are at somewhat of a disadvantage in this
  perpetual battle. Since their collisions with pedestrians invariably
  end up harming the pedestrians far more severely, they are given most
  of the responsibility of avoiding such occurrences.

  However, the bolder among them are still inclined to play chicken
  with the pedestrian zealots and curb-steppers, daring them to try
  stepping further out onto the street. The most reckless simply speed up
  as they approach the intersection, determined to frighten
  pedestrians back onto the relative safety of the curb and give their
  vehicle brethren a brief respite.

  Another favorite tactic is the barricade. During this maneuver, a convoy
  of vehicles enters the intersection as the light turns red, even though
  the traffic on the other side is already backed up into the crosswalk.
  Pedestrians are then forced
  to weave their way between cars in a Frogger-like fashion as the
  traffic starts to move again. In some cases, a truck or bus will
  time things such that the middle of it ends up squarely in the middle
  of the crosswalk, forcing pedestrians to walk far and wide out of their
  way to get around it, or else stand there waiting until it eventually
  moves again.

  Additional tactics:

  • Honking incessantly
  • Yelling obscenities / flipping the bird while driving past
  • Turning into the crosswalk inches in front of pedestrians (to keep them on their toes)
  • Speeding through intersections at night without any headlights on
  • Barreling into easily avoidable puddles on the very edge of the street in order to drench as many pedestrians as possible

  • 2:10 am
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